Marriage is hard. Let's just be honest. If marriage were easy, then every married person would be the happiest person on earth. But the truth is that marriage takes a lot of work. It takes trust and commitment, and it takes patience and understanding as well as perseverance and persistence. It takes forgiveness and it takes repentance.
These things are hard enough for friends or strangers, but even more so in marriage, because there someone’s very life is inextricably intertwined with your own, and there is no fault or fear that can be hidden from them, nothing you can do that will not affect them.
And yet as I come up on the second year of my marriage to my beautiful, wonderful wife, I always tell people that marrying her is the best decision I have ever made in my whole life. I wouldn’t take it back for the world.
My wife is incredible—truly wonderful. I love her passion and her drive. I love how fierce she is and loyal to her friends. I love the way she’s always so genuine with the people she loves. My wife is a tough woman, one of the toughest I know. And yet she’s so playful and always knows how to make people laugh. I love her sense of humor and her sharp wit. She never backs down from a challenge and she doesn’t let herself be intimidated. She knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to go for it. Her love of life and her fearless disposition make me want to push myself to always be a better man, a better husband, and a better friend so I can meet her with the same love she’s given me. And she always loves me so freely too. I don’t think I’ve ever been loved by anyone the way she’s loved me: so truly, so unconditionally, and so selflessly. I feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world, and thus it is my duty to make sure that she is the luckiest woman in the world too.
When I married her, I knew things were going to be different, but I had no idea how different. She changed my entire life. She changed me. And I will forever be grateful.
There’s just nothing like it, holding someone’s heart and life in your hands and being told, “Alright son, now you take care of this.” The responsibility is enormous, daunting even. I know I was intimidated, and I didn’t even understand it at the time. However, it’s also one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever gotten to do. God gave me this person to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, and I’m just so thankful that he chose me to do that.
All that to say, I really am the luckiest guy in the world, and I am so blessed every day to have the woman I do. I know not everyone’s situation is like mine; some people’s lives are full of heartbreak and pain and many people go unloved, but I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I am confident that God created marriage as a good thing. In my own life I do my best (though I know I’m not perfect) to keep marriage sacred and beautiful, and I do it because that’s how marriage ought to be. Just because you’ve watched a marriage (or, let’s be honest, several) get shipwrecked and torn asunder does not mean marriage is not good. The fallout from a broken marriage can be disastrous, but the reason it causes so much heartbreak is because it is meant to be filled with so much love.
I am reminded of the story of Pilate, the rich and powerful ruler who knew the ways of the world like the back of his hand. Jesus stood before him, on trial for crimes he didn’t commit, and as he spoke of truth, Pilate responded to him with the line, “What is truth?” It’s a line that hits deep, because it’s a line I’ve heard people ask many times in many ways, and, honestly, I get it. We’ve all been hurt by the world; we’ve all been lied to, and when marriages fall apart, it makes us ask, “What even is the point?” Is marriage even good in the first place? Can a wife really love her husband? Can a husband really love his wife? Can the Father really love me? All these questions are fair and natural. We’re all human, and it's normal to feel hurt and to struggle with these questions and even to lose hope at times.
However, what’s so ironic about the scene of Jesus standing before Pilate as he asks, “What is truth?” is that Jesus wasn’t just talking about it, he was it. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. The author of love and life and truth was standing before Pilate. He was the very Truth itself. The Truth is a person, and he loves you. He is near to us. Do not let your heart be closed forever to Him; there is a way out of darkness and into the light, and it’s Jesus. He is the way, and you can put your trust in Him.
Good marriages do exist. I’ve seen them and I know they’re out there, but from them, I’ve concluded that good marriages only truly work with Jesus. It just requires too much love for another person. It takes all that a person has, and then more, and eventually each person hits a point where they just don’t have enough to give. As a friend told me once, “it’s supernatural.” There is something about it that goes beyond our natural abilities, and its deepest requirements are greater than what we have on our own. The words of one mentor have stuck with me: “Marriage is not a give and take, it’s a give and give and give.” I think he’s right, and ultimately, we cannot give if we have not received. We must receive the love of Jesus. We need His love if we are to love another as He has loved us.